A Guide to Masturbating for the First Time
For many women, especially in cultures where sexuality is often kept private or taboo, the idea of masturbation can feel a little intimidating—or even shameful.
Vira wants you to know this: touching yourself, learning what feels good, and connecting with your body is completely natural, healthy, and can even be empowering.
First of all - what is masturbation?
Masturbation is when you touch or stimulate your own body— especially the parts that feel good, like your vulva* or clitoris*— to experience pleasure. Some people do it to relax, to feel connected to themselves, or to explore what they like sexually. It can lead to orgasm*, but it doesn’t have to. Masturbation is a private, personal experience that helps many women feel more comfortable with their own bodies, and there’s no shame in it at all. It’s a completely normal part of being human.
Vira’s Dictionary:
*Vulva - The vulva is the outer part of the female genitals. It includes the labia (the folds of skin), the clitoris, the vaginal opening, and the urethra (where urine comes out). Many people think the word “vagina” refers to the whole area, but the vagina is actually the inner canal, while the vulva is everything you can see on the outside. Every vulva is unique and normal.
*Clitoris - The clitoris is a small, sensitive part of the vulva, located at the top where the inner labia meet. Even though it looks small on the outside, it actually extends inside the body. Its only purpose is pleasure, and for many women, touching the clitoris is what feels best during masturbation or sex.
*Orgasm - An orgasm is a powerful, pleasurable release that can happen when your body builds up a lot of sexual energy. It can feel like waves of pleasure or muscle contractions, especially in the pelvic area. Orgasms can be different for everyone.
Are you curious to learn more?
If you’re wondering about masturbating and thinking of trying it for the first time (or one of the first times), you are not alone. We, at Vira, are delighted to share more!
It’s a personal journey, and there's no right or wrong way to start. Be gentle with yourself, move at your own pace, and remind yourself that it’s okay to explore.
We put together a list of 6 things you can do to enjoy getting to know your body through masturbation:
1. Create a sensual environment with 0 distractions
Choose a time and place where you feel completely safe and won’t be interrupted. This could be in your bedroom or bathroom. Dim the lights, play some relaxing music, or have a shower/bath beforehand. Your body will respond better when your mind is calm and your surroundings are comforting. You might feel best trying masturbation for the first time if you know nobody else is in the house, too.
Vira’s top tip: Light a candle with a scent you believe could help you feel sensual. In the future when you light this candle or smell this scent, it might help you make associations and get you in a sensual mood!
2. Look at your own vulva in a mirror
This might feel awkward or silly at first, but taking a moment to look at your vulva can help you feel more connected to your body. Every vulva is unique and there is no "normal" look. Observing your own body with curiosity and kindness, rather than judgment, builds self-acceptance and confidence.
You can also start to understand where your clitoris is, which is often what feels most pleasurable for the female body. In fact, over 70% of women said in a study that they need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm, so it’s good to know where it is in your body
Vira’s top tip: If you have a full length mirror, sit in front of it with your legs open like a butterfly. Or use a handheld mirror and angle it down so you can have a good look. Doing this right after a shower or bath can help you feel more comfortable. You could even speak some mantras, saying things like “My vulva is beautiful. My vulva deserves pleasure. My vulva is right the way it is.”
3. Learn different masturbation techniques
You don’t have to know exactly what to do during masturbation because exploring is part of the experience! Start by gently touching the outer parts of your vulva, then maybe your clitoris as it can be more sensitive.
Use slow, circular motions or light tapping, or rub with your fingers. There's no rush! You can even read or watch educational content created for women to learn more.
Vira’s top tip: The internet has a lot of content about masturbation, which can be overwhelming, especially if the information is inaccurate. Some trustworthy websites we recommend are: OMGYES, The Vulva Gallery, O.School, Come as you are, and Scarleteen.
4. Focus on a turn on
Thinking about something that makes you feel sensual or aroused helps with masturbating. It could be a romantic memory, a fantasy, or even a story. Some women like to use erotic books or audio, while others simply focus on how their body feels in the moment. Whatever your turn-on is, give yourself permission to enjoy it. When you’re thinking about sensual and sexy things, you’re more likely going to be relaxed and allow your body to lean into the process.
Vira’s top tip: Spend some time journaling to really explore and understand what counts as “turn on” for you. You can create a list of YES / MAYBE / NO. When you notice things in your day to day that are curious, and you think might arouse you, you can add it to the list! Here are a few items to get you started: mood lighting, fantasy romance, someone touching your neck…
5. Use lube and/or toys if you like
Lube can make things feel smoother and more comfortable. The right lube helps to make masturbation friction-less and can also contributes to long term vaginal health and protection from issues such as bacterial vaginosis.
If you’re curious, you can also explore using sex toys, like vibrators or external massagers. Using devices to enhance pleasure is neither shameful nor only reserved for kinky folks - they are tools for pleasure, and many women find them helpful when learning what feels good. You can start small, choose something simple, and take your time experimenting. What matters most is how you feel: safe, comfortable, and in control.
A significant portion of women, 50–80 %, have reportedly tried sex toys in the United States. And over three quarters of these women have shared that these sex toys greatly improve their ability to orgasm, including faster, stronger, or more frequent orgasms.
Please remember that you don’t need lube or toys to enjoy masturbation. They’re available if you’d like to explore them.
Vira’s top tip: We wrote an article about what not to use as Lube, which you can read on our blog, where we recommend a trusted brand to purchase from like SUTIL. And as for sex toys, if you’d like to learn more, you can reach out to another brand called DokThongtoys.
6. Pleasure is the goal, not orgasm
Masturbation isn’t about reaching a goal, it's about exploring. You might orgasm, or you might not, and that’s okay.
What matters is that you’re learning to feel pleasure on your terms. Every time you explore, you learn a little more about what your body likes. That self-awareness is a beautiful gift.
In the book “Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life” by sex educator Dr. Emily Nagoski captures it best when she says:
"Trust your body. Learn its language. It’s telling you important stuff."
Vira’s top tip: Talking about masturbation with your friends is completely normal and something we encourage. Begin the conversation with them by sharing that you’re learning about masturbating and giving it a go. This might make them feel more open to share if they’ve tried it before. Most importantly, Have fun!
Your body is yours. Touching it with kindness, curiosity, and care is not dirty or wrong, it’s an act of self-love. You deserve to feel pleasure, just as much as you deserve to feel peace, safety, and joy.
Masturbating can be fun, so please enjoy.
If it takes time to feel comfortable, that’s okay. You don’t have to do everything today. Come back to it whenever you're ready.
With love,
Vira
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References:
Mobley, D., & Baum, N. (2023, May 4). Closing the orgasm gap: Another gender disparity. American Urological Association. Retrieved July 14, 2025, from https://auanews.net/issues/articles/2023/may-2023/closing-the-orgasm-gap-another-gender-disparity_
TheToy.org. (2023). Vibrator use statistics: How many women use vibrators and how often? https://thetoy.org/vibrator-use-statistics/
